Healing from Emotionally Difficult or Abusive Relationships: Reconnecting with Your True Self

Many individuals who have experienced emotionally difficult or abusive relationships come to therapy feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and confused. They often struggle with intense emotions and at times physical symptoms, seeking relief from both.

If this resonates with you, you're not alone, there is help for those dealing with the effects of being in a difficult or emotionally abusive relationship. Healing begins with looking inward, reconnecting with your true Self (uppercase "S" intended).

As a therapist, I work with clients navigating the pain of difficult relationships and emotional abuse. These experiences can deeply affect one's sense of self, making it hard to feel grounded or whole. The first step toward healing often involves rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself.

The most important relationship you have—aside from your higher power, if you believe in one—is the relationship with yourself.

The Relationship with Your True Self

The most important relationship you have—aside from your higher power, if you believe in one—is the relationship with yourself. After enduring difficult relationships or emotional abuse, it’s easy to become disconnected from your true essence. You may have lost touch with your core needs and desires, and your inner world might feel fragmented or lost.

This is where a trauma-informed therapy model like Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help. Using IFS, we begin by understanding what's happening inside. IFS recognizes that we have different "parts" of ourselves, each with specific roles, emotions, and behaviors. For example, one part may want to stay in a relationship, while another part wants to leave. These parts often develop as protective mechanisms in response to overwhelming experiences, such as emotionally challenging or abusive relationships.

Parts of the Self: Healing from Within

In IFS, these "parts" are aspects of your psyche that form in response to emotional pain. Whether you've experienced a challenging relationship, domestic violence, relationship abuse, or controlling dynamics, certain parts of you may become stuck in unhealthy patterns. The goal is to heal these parts and help them function in healthier ways.

Reconnecting with Your True Self

A major goal of therapy when healing from emotionally difficult or abusive relationships is to help you reconnect with your true Self—the calm, grounded, and compassionate core of who you truly are. The Self is not just a "part," but the essence of you, capable of guiding your internal system with clarity and compassion.

When Self leads, you are better able to relate to yourself and others in healthy, authentic ways. However, when you're disconnected from Self, your parts may take over, leading to emotional overwhelm and unhealthy behaviors. IFS therapy helps you bring Self to the forefront, guiding your parts to work together harmoniously.

Healing Starts from the Inside

Coping with abusive relationships isn't about changing others; it's about changing how you relate to yourself and your emotions. Through a trauma-informed approach like IFS, you can release old patterns and reconnect with your Self, no longer overwhelmed by painful emotions or stuck in self-destructive cycles. This process will help you achieve a clear state of mind, empowering you to make decisions not out of fear, but with confidence, intention, and a well-thought-out plan for moving forward.

Healing involves understanding your parts and allowing them to shift from reactive behaviors to healthier coping strategies. As you heal and become more Self led, you’ll regain your strength and confidence, empowering you to stand firm in your authenticity.

Next Steps

If you're struggling with the aftermath of emotional abuse or relationship abuse, seeking help is a crucial first step. Therapists specializing in intimate partner violence or domestic violence can help you explore your inner world, heal emotional wounds, and restore a healthy relationship with yourself.

Therapy will enable you to regain self-esteem and heal from post-traumatic stress caused by difficult and abusive relationships. Healing is possible, and it begins with reconnecting with your true Self. You deserve peace, strength, and a life where you can show up as your authentic self.

Disclaimer: If you fear for your safety or are in immediate danger, please seek safety first. Once safe, therapy can help you in healing and reclaiming your sense of self. Please reach out to a trusted professional or support hotline if you need urgent assistance.

For immediate emotional support or practical help for domestic violence:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233
Online chat: www.thehotline.org