Clouded Expectations: Finding Calm Amid the Noise
Expectations vs. Reality I’m in a plush resort in Miami, FL, expecting some much-needed downtime and relaxation. It’s a free trip—I should feel grateful. But, once again, EXPECTATIONS and my JUDGING/SHOUDER parts are up early.
Unwelcome Wake-Up Call: I didn’t expect to be awakened at 5:30 a.m. by a yacht docked across the street blaring music. The front desk told me there was nothing they could do. I was confused since the marina shares the same name as the resort. I asked if there was a dock master who could intervene, and they confirmed yes—but they must not have been on duty. To make matters worse, the security guard casually mentioned that even when the resort’s president showed up partying, they still couldn’t do anything. Some people come to Miami Beach to relax, and some to party.
Coffee and Contemplation: After grabbing an $11 cup of coffee (the only option at the resort since the rooms don’t have typical coffee makers—they want you captive to ordering a $36 pot of coffee or $11 per cup), I questioned myself: Is this another part of me showing up? An ungrateful part? Afterall, this is an all-expense-paid trip… but I just want some peace. Where is God?
Finding God Amid the Noise I tried to find calm at the pool as the sun came up—only to be greeted by loud, thumping pool music. Really? Breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth. A big exhale, trying to release the stale, dark negativity within me. I need God. Where are you, God?
I found Him in The Word on my Bible app. The verse of the day was 2 Timothy 2:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Some versions say “sound mind.” Okay, so if I have all of this, why am I not feeling it?
Wrestling with My Own Advice The answer is simple: Sometimes, I can be as big an idiot as the self-centered people on the yacht.
Though I’m not self-centered (more like, not Self-led, as IFS teaches), my emotions and parts had hijacked me. Many of my Christian clients and I use the term "spirit-led" synonymously with "self-led."
So why can’t I follow my own advice? Because this world is noisy. Staying connected to our Self or spirit-led energy can be challenging. That core energy source is always there, but distractions—like literal noise this morning—can cloud or obscure it. Imagine those distractions as clouds covering the sun. The sun doesn’t leave; it’s just temporarily hidden. We have the power to part those clouds by centering ourselves and returning to our energy source.
Centering and Reconnection: Whether you believe in God or a higher power, we all have a core essence. In Internal Family Systems, it’s called the Self. The goal isn’t to eliminate those cloud-like parts, but rather to recognize when they form so they remain light and fluffy—less extreme—allowing blue skies to return without the destruction of a major storm.
For me, this morning, regaining my strength, hope, and love from God meant taking some deep breaths and returning to The Word. My Bible app guided me through prayer and meditation on 2 Timothy 1:7. I felt my Self—the Holy Spirit—waiting for me with open arms. I returned to calmness, curiosity, and compassion; the front desk and my husband are grateful.
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